The Ups and Downs of Gifting Merit

Question

I am a single girl, and I have been in shidduchim for a number of years.

I recently sent an email to a choshuve rebbetzin praising a Torah book that she co-authored and asking a question. After the rebbetzin dealt with my question, she wrote to me that she is not only davening at the Kosel for my success in shidduchim, but she is also giving me all of the merit from the book that she authored, and in that zechus, I should find a shidduch quickly.

I was quite surprised by this extremely generous offer, and I have a few questions about it:

1) Does this work? Can a person just “give away” the merit they acquired from a mitzvah?

2) If they can give away their merit, does the person giving it away lose out from this?

3) If, be’ezras Hashem, I find my zivug quickly, will she get that merit?

4) Even if she gets the merit of the speedy zivug, perhaps the rebbetzin will still lose out, since talmud Torah — authoring a Torah book — is a bigger merit than shidduchim.

5) Is an email a binding agreement in monetary and spiritual transactions?

6) Maybe the rebbetzin did not recognize what she was doing and I should offer to give it back to her.

Thank you.

C. B.

Rav Zafrani 

I usually receive shailos about monetary deals and not spiritual deals, yet you are asking valid questions, so I will deal with them. In order to answer your questions, I would like to share with you the following story.

There was a store that was open on Shabbos, and the Chofetz Chaim went with Rav Avrohom Kalmanowitz of the Mir to try to convince the owner to close his store on Shabbos. Not only did the owner refuse to close his store on Shabbos, but he also screamed at the two gedolim and subjected them to terrible bizyonos.

A short time later, someone came to the Chofetz Chaim and told him that there was a woman who was giving birth and whose life was in great danger. The Chofetz Chaim quickly called in Rav Kalmanowitz and asked him to give the merit of the bizyonos he had just received to this woman. Because the Chofetz Chaim was so great, Rav Kalmanowitz consented to the request, and the woman immediately recovered and had a normal birth.

After the incident, Rav Kalmanowitz asked the Chofetz Chaim the following question: Since they had both received bizyonos, why did the Chofetz Chaim call him in to give up his merit rather than do this himself? The Chofetz Chaim replied that he was an older man, and he had not felt much bizyonos from the incident. Therefore, he asked Rav Kalmanowitz, who was still in his prime and had experienced great bizyonos, to do this.

Rav Kalmanowitz then asked the Chofetz Chaim whether he had lost out by giving away this merit. The Chofetz Chaim replied that while it was true that he had lost out by giving away that merit, the amount he had gained by saving the life of this woman and her child was worth many times more.

There is another, more famous incident in which the Chofetz Chaim was asked to give up the merit of some of his talmud Torah to save a life, and he was only willing to give up one minute. Perhaps the Chofetz Chaim was hesitant in light of what Chazal teach (Megillah 16b) that the merit of talmud Torah is even greater than hatzolas nefashos.

In any event, you see from these incidents that there is such a concept of giving away merit. I am not sure of the ramifications this will have for the rebbetzin who gave away her merit. It may be that the Chofetz Chaim only told Rav Kalmanowitz that he would not lose out because he was saving the life of this woman and her baby, which may be greater than finding a shidduch. Alternatively, the merit of helping you get married quickly may also equal the merit of the book. However, since we are discussing the merit of Torah and giving people chizuk, she may still be losing out from her gift, as we see from the second story.

An email is internationally accepted as a binding agreement and has the halacha of a situmta, a form of accepted agreement that is considered a kinyan in halacha. If it works for money, I assume it also works for transferring spiritual merit.

As far as your last question, the rebbetzin might want to consider acquiring this merit back from you if she desires to do so and you are willing to part with it.

Rav Yaakov Hillel 

After hearing this story, I believe that this is similar to the case of the Chofetz Chaim and Rav Kalmanowitz, and the rebbetzin who gave up her merit lishmah will have even greater merit for helping you lesheim Shomayim.