Circular Hand Motions After Hadlokas Neiros

Question

I was taught when I got married that when benching licht, I should wave my hands around the licht three times before covering my eyes and making the brocha. I recently heard that there is no source for this and that there is no need to do it — that the only thing I need to do is cover my eyes. Is it correct that there is no inyan to wave one’s hands around the candles? And if that is the case, should I stop doing so, even though it seems to be a well-established minhag practiced by women in all circles?

I would also like to take this opportunity to ask for a brocha from Rav Auerbach and Rav Zafrani for Hashem to grant me daughters. I have many sons and have not yet been blessed with a daughter. I am grateful to Hakadosh Boruch Hu for the sons He has given me, but I would very much like to have a daughter.

Thank you.

Rav Zafrani 

The Rama (263:5) writes that a woman should cover the candles before reciting the brocha so that her brocha is considered oiver la’asiyoson, said before performing the mitzvah. Although I have heard that many women in chutz la’aretz wave their hands before saying the brocha on the Shabbos neiros, women in Eretz Yisroel do not do so.

I have never seen any sefer that cites a source for this minhag. Since the mitzvah of hadlokas neiros is performed with great emotion and the Zohar teaches that all blessing for the home during the coming week descends according to the intent a woman has when lighting the Shabbos candles, this custom most likely developed as an emotional expression accompanying this special mitzvah.

While I do not know of any direct source for this practice, there is an indirect basis for all customs that women as a group have been noheig. There is an important teshuvah of the Rashba (1:9), cited by many poskim:

“וככה יקרה לנו מן הדין בכל דבר שיש קבלה ביד הזקנים והזקנות מעמנו. ולא נסתור קבלתם רק אחר הקיום שאינו באיפשר חלילה. ולמה נסתור קבלתם ואין קבלה פושטת ביד עמנו רק שקבלו אותה דור אחר דור עד משה רבינו ע"ה או עד הנביאים.”

This teshuvah teaches that one should not dismiss any practice that has been handed down by men or women unless there is explicit proof to the contrary. It is possible that such minhagim originate as far back as Moshe Rabbeinu on Har Sinai, or at least from the era of the nevi’im, and this provides a strong reason to preserve them.

The poskim cite this Teshuvas HaRashba regarding the practice you mention, as well as many other minhagim, such as the custom for expecting women not to enter a bais hakevaros (Minchas Yitzchok 10:42:2), the practice concerning the removal of the velad after a miscarriage (Aryeh Dvei Illa’i, Yoreh Deah 19), and using a sandal for chalitzah (Mishnas Halachos 6:173). All are based on the same principle — that a practice consistently upheld by men or women throughout the generations attains the status of an accepted minhag in Klal Yisroel.

I offer you my brocha in response to your request. However, I would suggest phrasing your tefillos somewhat differently. I believe that a woman blessed with eight boys who wishes for a girl should daven to fulfill the mitzvah de’Oraisa of peru urevu rather than asking specifically for a daughter. May Hashem answer all of our tefillos speedily.